The title is pretty self-explanatory. Oh, I wanted more run-of-the-mill things for Christmas….books, music...that kind of thing. But I have these deep longings for something else for Christmas….things that very likely won’t come to pass…but are still lots of fun to think about. Thus, I have compiled a list; starting at the most plausible and ending with the impossible.
1. A Free Standing Kick Boxing Unit: I’m one of those aggressive D type personalities that you might have heard about (and trembled in the hearing). I’m a bundle of nerves, energy and will power and sometimes those impulses just don’t know where to go and I desperately, urgently need to hit something.
Of course, I would never actually hit a person (unless I had to) but I could really get into punching a bag. They say lack of exercise is one of main attributing factors to stress in women and kickboxing is also a great way to lose or maintain weight…plus, it’s a lot more epic or heroic looking than any other form of exercise.
Why This Might Not Happen: 1. My hands. I draw, paint and write with these hands. I type at work. I brush my teeth and my hair with these hands. I need these hands. I’m afraid that if I start pounding on a bag on a daily basis (even with gloves on) that my hands will be in bad shape. I only get one pair of these useful items and I need to take good care of them so it’s definitely something that I will have to consider before buying a kick boxing unit. 2. Even if I don’t use my hands on the kick boxing unit and just my feet….what if I break one of my toes? They work better when they’re not broken.
2. Paintball War. Just once in my life, I would like to participate in a paintball war. But I don’t want to play just any old paintball war….I don’t want to play by the rules…that wouldn’t be any fun at all. One chance to nail somebody and then when I get shot I have to declare ‘hit’ and leave the field. That’s no fun! I would be disqualified instantly as I’m not good at stalking (subtlety was never my strong point) and I can’t run to save my life (a toddler could beat me in a sprint). I would be disqualified within the first five minutes and would have to sit on the sidelines. What’s the point of donning that cool looking helmet and getting a gun if I don’t get to turn into a crazed warrior? I want to just walk up to one of my siblings and empty my paint clip into them….and of course pose for lots of heroic looking photographs.
Why This Might Not Happen: 1. Scheduling, we’re very, very busy. 2. I’m not sure we could convince the people that run the paintball course to let us have free rein, even if we rented the field just for our family. They probably have to stick to the rules…unfortunately.
3. Bonzai Pipeline Waterslide: A local water park possesses one of these thrill rides. You are sealed into a pod that bares a strong resemblance to a stasis tube and then the ‘floor’ literally drops out from underneath you and you begin a six story drop, hurtling downwards at approximately 40 miles an hour.
Why This Might Not Happen: 1. Anybody who reads the news will have read some of the terrible stories involving slide accidents and that discourages me in trying it myself. 2. The Water Park is very, very expensive. 3. Water Parks are the breeding ground for everything from the common cold to the Bubonic Plague. 4. It's too cold in December.
4. Moonlight Zip Line Tour: I recently discovered that a local lake has a moonlight tour package. During full moons, participants zip line for three hours through tree tops and across lakes. When I saw this, I almost fell over with excitement. This is exactly like something out of a story! It would be as close to reenacting Jill’s ride on GlimFeather the owl as I could get. In an instant, I saw myself sailing silently (you do NOT do your Tarzan yell on moonlight zip line tours, I’m sure that would be considered very tacky) through the air, a long black cloak trailing behind me, my face partially hidden by a mask. I drop gracefully and heroically onto a platform, draw my sword and dispatch any villains that wait there. I’m getting chills just thinking about it. This would be a Christmas present to end all Christmas presents.
Why This Might Not Happen: 1. Safety – I’ve zip lined in the daylight before but I imagine that zip lining at night – even with a full moon – would be a whole different ball game – plus, I don’t know this area or who works there…are the people safe to be around? Especially at night when it’s more difficult to see what’s going on. 2. On my first (and only) zip line venture, I could barely move the next morning. After holding up my legs in that curled zip-lining position, I was discovering all kinds of new muscles, and that was only after a 60 to 90 minute tour…I can’t imagine the state I would be in after three hours 3 (the most important reason!). They won’t let you wear a cape.
5. The Library in Beauty and the Beast: If you looked up happiness in the dictionary you would find a picture of that library. I could happily spend the rest of my days in that place.
Why This Might Not Happen: 1. Books are getting more expensive…I'm guessing there was supposed to be....50,000 books in that library...at the very least. But even if it takes me the rest of my life, I will accumulate as many books as possible to make this dream come true. 2. I will never be rich enough to afford an architectural wonder, like that room. I suppose I could...but its unlikely.
6. A Dozen Adorable Puppies: Yup, I want 12 sniffly, wiggly, silky, smelly, adorable, puppies! I have always been an absolute sap for that ‘Puppy under the Tree’ idea, and I’ve always envisioned a legion of beautiful puppies in red bows surrounding our own tree. I would like a poodle, a golden doodle, a boxer, a west highland terrier, a German shepherd, a golden retriever, a Newfoundland, a Doberman Pincher, a dachshund, a bloodhound, a Shiba Inu and a Norwegian Elkhound. Oh my, I could even tell you what each of their names would be. ‘dances around, just thinking about all this furry happiness’.
Why This Might Not Happen: 1. I couldn’t afford to feed 12 dogs, let alone take care of vet bills. 2. I would just barely have the time to play and walk with one dog, but not twelve. 3. I'm not sure I could pick only twelve puppies. How on earth could I narrow down the cutest to a mere twelve?
7. Being able to meet my online friends and host a party for them: I would absolutely love to meet my new online friends. I have met so many wonderful, funny people in these last few months….it would be wonderful to actually meet all of you! I would have a tea party in your honor (for anybody that thinks I’m a tomboy for wanting to participate in a paintball war – I LOVE tea parties) but with plenty of activities and food that would appeal to the guys too. Perhaps a combination tea party and Viking feast. We could wear Viking helmets (party favors?) while we drink from tea cups…or something… I’m not clear on the details but I would think up a party to end all parties (I’m a party queen)
Why this might not happen: 1. My friends live not only all over the United States, but in Canada, Australia, Belgium, South Africa… So I think this is reason enough why this idea will never work.
8. An Ewok: Okay, the secret is out – I love, love, LOVE Ewoks and I cannot understand why anybody would not like them, I think they are the cutest, sweetest, coolest thing that ever trotted out of somebody’s imagination. Aside from Return of the Jedi, I am crazy about the Ewok movies and watch them on a regular basis. If I could have anything for Christmas, I would definitely like an Ewok companion like Wicket. Wicket and his trusty spear would be a great bodyguard, plus we could run errands together, he could help me edit my stories, I could take him to the park and we could take turns pushing one another on the swings. I can’t imagine anything that would not be more fun if I was doing it with an Ewok.
Why This Might Not Happen. 1. Ewoks don’t really exist. ‘Heartbroken sobbing’
9. More Time! Who wouldn’t give their eye teeth to have more time?
When I think of all the things I have to get done this month (and without the aid of a personal assistant)….I get kind of a panicked feeling.
Why This WON'T Happen: 1. Because....it can’t. But at least nobody else can get more time either…ha!
So what impossible dreams do you harbor this Christmas? I’d love to hear in the comments!